Category Archives: What it takes to be me…

Baby, I was born this way.

All I do is Pinterest

I know my family has to be going nuts at my lack of – living? There’s no time for cleaning, there’s no time for scrabble, or visiting, there’s only time for Pinterest. Notice how I didn’t say anything about there not being time for eating? Yeah, because fat girl always makes time for food, especially while I Pinterest. Pinterest is now a verb.
This month I’ve gone slightly nuts with my Pinterest.

I started with making this painting from Pinterest to match the girls vibrant colored bathroom. I for some reason can’t find it on my pinterest, so if you have it on your board, holler so I can give appropriate credit?

So it didn't turn out perfectly but in the dark cubby of the bathroom, it works.

But I didn’t stop at that with their bathroom. I found this cute saying on Pinterest and decided to type it out in Photoshop and match it to the color of the bathroom, I framed it for their bathroom counter, hoping it would start their day off awesome every morning, instead it collects a lot of toothpaste splatter. I sorta buffed the toothpaste and spit off with my boob. You’re welcome.

Pretend it doesn't have their names on there. In fact, I have no idea whose names those are.

This post has been brought to you by the letter B

And here’s my B for my office. Represent, yo!

Then, I found this technique on Pinterest and this saying. It totally reflects who I am when I’m not being perfect, so I made it for my office. Then I realized I really don’t want my clients to see it, so it’s sort of in the corner.

I never finish anyth

Then, because apparently I’m a fan of paper balls? The purple one was made out of post it notes. Each petal is one post it note. The turquoise one was made out of streamers. I have no idea why I thought I needed to make these.

I attempted to make this. And I hate it. HATE it. So, I guess I’ll throw it away as soon as my hubby drinks another 6 pack of rootbeer and gives me the cardboard.

blah

I finger crocheted this last night and actually spent time with my kids by teaching them how to finger crochet too. Go me and all my super mom antics.

Proof of the Super Mom

And finally tonight, I made this cute clutch that we decided was a funny shape/size and was only good for holding a banana, but it’s a banana clutch, not to be confused with a banana hammock. I obviously made a slight detour from the pattern.

If it's a banana hammock, its the best damn banana hammock

Banana Hammock

SO anyway, I have a whole list of thingsI absolutely can not wait to make, so if you don’t see me on Facebook or Twitter for a while, and if the kids look unfed, don’t act all surprised.

Follow me on Pinterest here so I can follow you back and steal all your great finds
Also, I totally put my website on all the pictures to flatter myself. Whatever.

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You don’t have to stress, I do that enough for us both.

In the past week I have:

1. Worried about Anesthesia so underwent an unsedated procedure – which kept me awake for days leading up to it out of fear of horendous pain that everyone said it would cause – which it didnt.
2. Worried because afterwards I had a fever for like 5 minutes.
3. Worried about the safety of driving 4 hours for Thanksgiving. We made it just fine.
4. Worried about the fact that my husband added a former girl on his facebook and therefore was going to leave me and I would have to move my kids again and go through a nasty divorce.
5. Worried about the words “pulmonary Hypertension” on my echo report which turns out that Is just a suggestion and sort of goes along with the heart failure.
6. Worried about my daughter because some of her so-called friends like to make her feel like total shit about her appearance, etc.
7. Worried about how we were going to transport a 6′ desk (heirloom) from Tulsa to OKC which is still a worry.
8. Worried because my husband washed my sweater on Delicate instead of Handwash cycle – it looks fine.
9. Worried that I was going to die exercising – still believe I might, therefore it’s safer to just sit right here thankyouverymuch.
10. Worried about Gabby’s science fair experiment – which we completed in the nick of time.
11. Worried that Grace didn’t get her make-up work and she didn’t but you know what? she’s almost 16. Lessons!
12. Worried that Bald Lover’s birthday presents got stolen off the front porch while we were gone, it didn’t.
13. Worried someone was going to break in to our home while we were gone so I contacted not one but two neighbors to keep watch
14. Worried that the deli gave me the wrong portions for the 500 calorie or less meal (omg, they better not have!)
15. Worried that I wouldn’t be able to calculate how much sugar was in their tea (i mistakenly ordered it) (I didn’t even try to calculate it)
16. Worried I wouldnt be able to find a Red Tutu for Gabby’s play (I found one, though I won’t tell you what the seller called it.
17. Worried about finances for Christmas time which I always do and it turns out fine
18. Worried about the check engine light in my car which must mean the car is going to explode.
19. Worried that I was forgetting something I worried about.

It’s been proven that 80% of everything you worry about never happens, proof that worrying really does prevent catastrophy 🙂

The Otherside of Friendship

So, my regular readers may be quite familiar with the Sans Besties post that I made a few days ago – and the fact that my husband chimed in this morning with his thoughts on friendship (it’s in the comments).

I know there is another side of friendship. Because I see it all the time with my kiddos. In fact, our house is routinely filled with 4 sixteen year olds and 2 eleven year olds, something I’m quite fond of.

The 16 year olds hang out together constantly, they lean on each other when things aren’t going right, they study endlessly at our dining room table, they have sushi together, they shop together, they get on each other’s nerves, they say things like “tots adorbs” and “cutesy” and have inside jokes. They celebrate each other’s birthdays, they hurt each other’s feelings, but they’re there for each other. The four of them. From an outsider’s perspective they are four completely different individuals, but somehow they work.

A 16th birthday toast. Don't have a granny fit, it's sprite.

 

 Gabby’s friendships are maturing. They are much like mini marriages, there are fights and bickering, giggles, jokes, hurt feelings, laughing, singing – and there is time to grow them in to something really special but for now, they are hovering in extremes – from putting on way too much lip gloss and make up to seem more grown up to spending a Saturday morning playing hide and seek and karaoking, talking about boys, playing m.a.s.h but still sleeping with their stuffed animals.

Gabby (right) and her friend. Bows and lipgloss.

I’m grateful for both ages and stages of friendship in this house and I hope they never get to the kermudgenly grumpy old age that I am in friendships.

And I hope they never quit filling this home with kids.
 

Sans Besties

Does this image piss anyone else off?

Prior to moving 150 miles away three years ago, I never thought much about my friendships. I mean, I thought about them, but I didn’t need to sit an analyze them, and I certainly didn’t need to miss them. The people in my life were people who had been there for most of my time on this earth, and those who hadn’t were at least walking along the same walks of life as I was (small children, negligent husbands, a love for PTA and Cheer, etc). You get busy in life, but these people seemed to roll with the punches with me.
There were a few friends that really set themselves a part from everyone else, but in the depths of honesty, there were no “bests” whatever “best” means when referring to friendships, there were none that were so strong that they stood the test of the move across cities.. The few that I valued the deepest for whatever reason found ways to be hurtful and the recovery is slow if at all.

Those that I thought I was the closest to either went awol when I got divorced or went Awol when I/they moved away.

My husband is mr. social, or – at least he was before we quit drinking. He had friends of all sorts, but many were super super heavy drinkers and I found myself allowing them around my kids in that state and even acting as part of that – I hate that, so this rehab thing to me meant we werent going there anymore. That wasn’t going to be a part of our lives anymore.

So this past weekend when Bald Lover wanted to go out with old friends all weekend it lead to an arguement (there were some I was excited about but others not so much). He yelled (and he never yells) “you just don’t want any friends”

to which I responded by promptly getting up and leaving to go get caffiene from our local convenience store before I lost it.

I really think he’s right.

I clearly don’t want close friends.

I don’t know whats wrong with that? It’s not like I complain about it.

I don’t have the energy to start over, the energy to be hurt again, I just don’t have “close” or “best” in me anymore.

Those who have great close friendships, who have besties who know all their secrets, who have girls surrounding them who would always be there for them no matter what for wine and pedicures and babysitting and bringing meals when your sick and giggles and inside secrets — those of you who have that are entirely lucky and much better at friendships than I am.

I promised my husband I would work on this, but I dont even know where to begin to sort though it or why it’s important. Too many former hurts and I admit my role in fallen friendships, but I just don’t have the energy for besties anymore. My surface friends are much easier to avoid hurt with.

lovelinks
 
(props to Ericka for pointing out the incorrect spelling in the main image)
 

Favorite Fridays – Leatherbound Bible

{Favorite Fridays – all of the things that make me happy}

This leatherbound bible was a complete surprise to me. It was my eighteenth birthday and I had finally straightened out my life – I had a 2 year old daughter by this time, afterall – I was graduated from High School, working, not getting into trouble anymore or backtalking – planning to move out a few months later into my own life.

My aunt and uncle are from the side of the family I was never particularly close with. I don’t know how to explain it – that side of the family walked a straight line, their kids went to church camp and mission trips, and I skipped class and smoked cigarettes. I was the black sheep, though they never said that and they always made me feel welcome, I just knew I was different and I wasn’t ready to change.

On my eighteenth birthday my mom handed me a gift bag and told me if was from my aunt and uncle. When I opened the bag and pulled out the bible tears stung my eyes. It was almost like pulling the bible out of that bag was an invitation to start doing things right. The way I had always wanted to – just hadn’t been able to find the beginning.

I hadn’t needed a book to get through childhood, I had parents who guided me and loved me, but now I was about to do this life thing on my own, and there was a right way and a wrong way.  I was elated. It was so touching, so exciting, so pretty and all mine.

There’s no denying that it went without being opened for the first year and a half. I wanted to sit down and read it, really. But in my mind there was no time, and I really wasn’t sure where to start. Little did I know that two and a half years later in 2000, the words within that bible would create faith and hope that would lead me out of the darkest place in my life, and continue to lead me from dark places for the remaining years.

Sure, it reads “Brandy Humphrey” a name that I haven’t held legally in 14 years, in fact, I’ve held two names since being Brandy Humphrey. And Granted, There are so many passages in this Bible that I just can’t understand. Passages that leave me confused, lines that scare me, words I can’t pronounce, but in the times that I really need knowledge, understanding, and comfort, or to answer a question for my daughters, the pages open up as though I’m being guided to them by God himself and the words leap from the page, easily understood.

Ironically, I’ve spent more time with this aunt and uncle in the past year then my entire childhood combined. And I love them, and I love their love for the Lord.

Favorite Fridays – My favorite leather bound Bible. My chance to do it right.

I’m not sunny and happy, damnit.

Nearly six miserable, long, painful days ago when I wrote this post I also did the unthinkable. I did what men and women everywhere never thought I would do, what I had said I would but didn’t, what I had threatened to do but couldn’t…I closed my laptop and threw away my cigarettes. After that, I threw away the ash tray in my car, scrubbed my car interior and threw away lighters/matches, etc. And I haven’t picked them back up. And while people do that crap every day and are all like “hey no big deal” and ” I quit cold turkey and it made me sunshiney and happy inside” I am not that way at all. I’m not sunshiney and happy. I miss my cigarette breath, my desperate attempt to find a place to escape to smoke one, my crusty yellow lungs, and spending $6 a day to have it all. I do. I really, really do! But not only that. I’m not sunny and happy because I didn’t just give up Cigarettes.

I also gave up carbs

And started my women cycle (sorry dudes)

All in the same miserable, painful, long and drawn out, horribly awful week.

My cardiologist, the same one who said I was fat (um….) requested that I do South Beach for my health — I’m not obese, I just have a little jiggle, and I rather like it that way, when I suck in anyway. So I obliged because I don’t want to die, damnit. Not this time.” Heart attack waiting to happen”, that’s what he called me.

So I quit smoking and I quit eating anything that tasted good and I GAINED WEIGHT. I lost nearly thirty twenty six pounds in a few months earlier in the year doing crap my way, but I try to do it all perfect the doctors way, the doctor who knows everything, the doctor who I PAY TO HELP ME LIVE and I gain weight. So yesterday, I stepped on the scale, yelped, cussed the little punk out and walked to the pantry for a damn oreo for breakfast. That’ll show everyone. AND THIS MORNING I HAD LOST TWO POUNDS. OREOS people, they are diet food!

 So I cheated and ate a stupid (but heavenly) oreo but i DID NOT SMOKE. I’d like to smoke. But I didn’t.

My poor spouse took the brunt of all these magnificent life changes in the past week, so much in fact that yesterday he jumped on an airplane to DC because he needed to get far away from me. So now, I have no husband, no cigarettes, miserable PMS symptoms, and NO FREAKING CARBS (except oreos, because again they are diet food) All this to live longterm, which means a longterm life of no cigarettes and no carbs,which may or may not be life at all… so maybe I need to reconsider all of this.

This has been your weekly “what the heck is Brandy doing, we’re all dying to know” update.

Crickets.

 

The Pail List (short, non bucket) :)

No, it’s not a bucket list – I won’t be climbing Mountains or swimming with killer sharks, but it’s my pail list – things I’ve been putting off, things that NEED doing – things I avoid, things that suck to admit the truth about, things that are just too hard to do sometimes without putting them next to numbers on a list and placing them for all the public to read. Not that it will make me more accountable or anything, just make me look like a fool when they never get crossed off. So here they are, in no particular order because obviously my kids mean more to me than the dentist:

  1. Get Mouth Fixed – I have a couple new cavities, two baby teeth and an adult tooth that is coming through the top side of my mouth that will need surgical extraction. While I’m awake. Quit putting it off.
  2. Weigh in the 130s I’m only a few pounds away, but I haven’t been in the 130s since I was single. This time I’d like to be in the 130s WITHOUT my husband leaving me first
  3. Be social in real life. Like, OMG, quit avoiding people, answer the phone, reply to texts, go places when I’m invited. When did I get so damn old and kermudgenly?
  4. Be active in my community – it’s one thing I had in Tulsa – I was the cheer pres, soccer organizer, on the PTA, super involved in my church and now? I’m not. I’m just not. I’m not sure where I lost me in all of this.
  5. Volunteer – another thing that evaporated from my existence in the transition to OKC
  6. Spend absolute quality time with the kids/hubs (like, not in front of the TV or just nodding rapidly while they talk and I’m on the computer or something. Pay some freaking attention. Before they’re all gone.
  7. Get back to those activities that make me happy. You remember, beading, refunding, reading, anything else but the computer, tv, or the backs of my eyelids.
  8. Seek out that friend I’ve been missing out on. Old BFF moved away, we don’t talk. I’ve been denying needing that in my life. Might be time to accpt the facts and seek it out. Maybe.

So now it’s in black and white. Those numbered black and white lines highlight where I went from normal mom to loser in a new town. I’ve been here 2.5 years, might be time to accept it or something?

Tell me something on your pail list. Make me feel better 🙂