I’m not a homemaker. Only I am a homemaker. Only not. I don’t cook, I hate holidays and I spend the majority of the day working from home instead of working ON the home. But it’s Fall break and I made a promise to myself that I’d spend more time with the kids starting now. This grand idea might have come after some sappy song about second chances defining you played on the radio, or from the guilt of the night last week where I was working clear until bedtime, or the subtle reminders of all my health ailments and how precious life really is and I shouldn’t take it for granted but regardless, I needed to spend time with my long-haired offspring.
Hi, I’m Brandy and I. HATE. HALLOWEEN. Which is the very reason that my divorce papers with my baby-daddy states that he gets them EVERY Halloween and I get them every Fourth of July. This year, Halloween is in the middle of the week (didn’t think about these consequences when I moved 100+ miles from the ex) so I get the kids this Halloween meaning I in the eyes of said little tax-deductions, I should do ALL of the Halloween tasks. I did tell you I’m not particularly fond of this holiday?
So we went to get Pumpkins.
Now I’m not even an over-achiever at being sub-par. I’m mediocre at best. So while all the internet takes their kids in their posh matching outfits to the pumpkin patch and feeds animals and has hay rides and leaves with just-the-perfect-pumpkin-ever– we went to WALMART. I never go to Walmart. Like, not even for last minute razors on the way out of town. I hate the place and avoid it at all costs. So don’t ask me why I whipped the car into the parking lot today, I was right in the middle of a holiday-that-I-hate freak out.
While we’re there choosing just which Walmart pumpkin we’d like the best, Grace was talking about how she would love to make pumpkin pie, you know, to go with our pumpkin theme. That might have scared me into a heart arrythmia and the next thing I know I jerked the cart down the frozen food section begging for Mrs. Smith to rescue me with her wholesome frozen Pumpkin Pie, ready in under 30 minutes or eat the crap cold – it was perfect to me if only “okay” with the girls.
Being that this was the first pumpkin carving I’d ever taken part in, I allowed the girls to school me on how to clean a pumpkin’s stringy nasty guts out while the smell of a frozen pumpkin pie baked in the background.
It’s freaking nasty. Gabby continued to run and wash her hands every few scrapes while we both made small gagging noises.
Eventually Grace got the amazingly bright idea that we should roast pumpkin seeds like her never-to-be-stepmom and dad do with her. Though I can make a mean hamburger helper, I’m no cook – but I wasn’t about to be one-upped by the “other house” (it’s cool, we all get along) so I quickly googled directions for roasting pumpkin seeds and settled for the first search result on google. They turned out nicely even though I was out of 2 of the 4 ingredients..
The girls continued to carve their pumpkins as I
sat close by reading my twitter feed supervised like a responsible parent and spent time with them.
They ate their made-from-the-heart frozen pie and CONTINUED to carve the pumpkins. I imagine this special task doesn’t typically take the ENTIRE day, but the genius mother in this family knowing nothing about pumpkin carving only bought one pumpkin carving tool to share between the two kids. I’m a genius, I tell ya.
When it was all said and done a frozen pie satisfied them nearly as good as a homemade one, a Walmart pumpkin carved similar to a prestigious pumpkin patch pumpkin and the pumpkin seeds were (and I quote) “better than” the other ones they’d had.
I’m sub-par but it’s sorta Fall around here afterall.
This weekend we buy Halloween Costumes. Oh God.