Nearly six miserable, long, painful days ago when I wrote this post I also did the unthinkable. I did what men and women everywhere never thought I would do, what I had said I would but didn’t, what I had threatened to do but couldn’t…I closed my laptop and threw away my cigarettes. After that, I threw away the ash tray in my car, scrubbed my car interior and threw away lighters/matches, etc. And I haven’t picked them back up. And while people do that crap every day and are all like “hey no big deal” and ” I quit cold turkey and it made me sunshiney and happy inside” I am not that way at all. I’m not sunshiney and happy. I miss my cigarette breath, my desperate attempt to find a place to escape to smoke one, my crusty yellow lungs, and spending $6 a day to have it all. I do. I really, really do! But not only that. I’m not sunny and happy because I didn’t just give up Cigarettes.
I also gave up carbs
And started my women cycle (sorry dudes)
All in the same miserable, painful, long and drawn out, horribly awful week.
My cardiologist, the same one who said I was fat (um….) requested that I do South Beach for my health — I’m not obese, I just have a little jiggle, and I rather like it that way, when I suck in anyway. So I obliged because I don’t want to die, damnit. Not this time.” Heart attack waiting to happen”, that’s what he called me.
So I quit smoking and I quit eating anything that tasted good and I GAINED WEIGHT. I lost
nearly thirty twenty six pounds in a few months earlier in the year doing crap my way, but I try to do it all perfect the doctors way, the doctor who knows everything, the doctor who I PAY TO HELP ME LIVE and I gain weight. So yesterday, I stepped on the scale, yelped, cussed the little punk out and walked to the pantry for a damn oreo for breakfast. That’ll show everyone. AND THIS MORNING I HAD LOST TWO POUNDS. OREOS people, they are diet food!
So I cheated and ate a stupid (but heavenly) oreo but i DID NOT SMOKE. I’d like to smoke. But I didn’t.
My poor spouse took the brunt of all these magnificent life changes in the past week, so much in fact that yesterday he jumped on an airplane to DC because he needed to get far away from me. So now, I have no husband, no cigarettes, miserable PMS symptoms, and NO FREAKING CARBS (except oreos, because again they are diet food) All this to live longterm, which means a longterm life of no cigarettes and no carbs,which may or may not be life at all… so maybe I need to reconsider all of this.
This has been your weekly “what the heck is Brandy doing, we’re all dying to know” update.