This old heart of mine

I try to avoid it, like a hairy beasty plague, I try. And for 19 months I’ve done a darn good job. Despite my cardiologist wanting to see me every 4-6 months, I weasled nearly two years in between visits. With the breast lump, the kidneys, the benign fasciculation cramp syndrome and every other damn doctor taking a chunk of my time, money, and self esteem – I tend to be picky and choosy over which one I go to. But this time, I know how stubborn I was, I know that I have set myself up for a good fall by not going to the most important doctors appointment….

Since I was diagnosed with Peripartum Cardiomyopathy in 2000 (after it being missed in 1996) – I’ve seen more cardiologists that I can count, taken more heart pills than I’ve eaten individual green peas and been to enough appointments and testings that equal in time what I’ve spent waiting at stoplights in the last eleven years.

After my dear body post, I really exercised. Really. Lost another 4 pounds and then while working out with my husband last week, my heart rate STARTED at 174. That’s 15% more than my max and I had just started. Since then it’s been a pile of shortness of breath, rapid pulse and palpitations which forced me to endure the ugliness of my doctor’s staff and a 1 hour late appointment with him only to be told to do exactly what I didn’t want to hear. Lose weight, quick, like starve, beetch. Take heart meds (omg, again!?) and have all the heart testing done (more time, more stress, more angst). The only thing he didn’t tell me to do was to quit smoking, but it’s probably because I never told him I started.

I stopped taking my meds for two years, didn’t have a follow up, gained a crud ton of weight and started smoking. How could I so easily forget this post. I can’t believe I did this to myself yet again. My stubborness has always bit me in the butt, and I’m fearful when the day it bites so hard I can’t recover.

Keep your fingers crossed for me on 09/21/11 @ 10:30 when we start this process all over again with an echocardiogram. Maybe this time I’ll take it seriously and do it right.

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2 responses to “This old heart of mine

  1. Will be praying for you Brandy!!! Do it for yourself first,then for everyone who loves you and quit being so bullheaded!!! Lol (coming from me that’s funny)

  2. Pingback: I’m not sunny and happy, damnit. « Shhh. I'm talking :)

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