Choosing to Fight

There’s too much I still want to do. It’s always been an exciting thought to parasail, Therman doesn’t want to, so I’ll go it alone… I want to deep sea dive, take the girls horse back riding, see New York and Canada with the girls and make a romantic trip to Scotland with Therman. I’ve got to sit in on a heart surgery, just once! I still need to finish writing that book, get my degree that I’m so close to. I need to make right the wrongs I’ve created with a couple of friends; I need to finish painting the sunroom door. Before long, there will be high school graduations for Brittani and Brooke, weddings to pull off and grandbabies to welcome into this world. There is just too much I want to do still, so when I wake up drowning in my own fluids, reminded gravely of the congestive heart failure that looms beneath my chest, I can’t give in to the feeling that I just want to quit. I have to ignore that I feel too weak to fight; I can’t give into the feelings of death, because there’s just too much here on earth that I want to get done. If I give up, it’s my own fault. If I don’t beat this, if I don’t fulfill the to-do lists I’ve created for myself, then that’s on my shoulders. So when I am reminded harshly that I have a chronic illness that threatens my life, I have to choose to fight this, it’s only up to me.

One response to “Choosing to Fight

  1. Pingback: This old heart of mine « You'll Want to hear this!

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